Fucking birds.

I fucking hate birds.

There. I said it.

Birds fucking suck.

Everything about them is terrible.

I could just end the post there but I’ll go into why I don’t like birds.

My dad had a great joke. “What’s the black stuff in bird shit? Shit. What’s the white stuff in bird shit? Shit.” Truth is that the white stuff in bird shit is a uric acid because they don’t have a bladder.

When I lived in my hometown, I just had my car cleaned and in less than 6 hours, I had 9 splotches of bird shit on my car. Stupid ass seagulls.

They’re what’s left over from dinosaurs. Instead of T-Rexes, we have birds. Despite what we learned in elementary school, birds are reptiles. Or at least, shared a common ancestor with reptiles. Feathers are just modified scales. Archaeopteryx is thought to be one of the first birds. They found Archaeopteryx right after Origin of Species came out. Everyone argued that the feathered dinosaurs weren’t real dinosaurs but were just birds or the “protofeather” was decomposition. Sure. Maybe that could be true.

What about the fact that a lot of the skeletons look like dinosaur skeletons? Well yeah they look similar but that doesn’t mean shit.

Theropod dinosaurs have a wishbone (furcular if you wanna sound fancy).

Lungs?! How the fuck are you gonna get a lung from a dinosaur? Get back to me when you get a time machine.

It is thought that some dinosaurs had air sacs similar to birds.

Hearts?! See above.

In 2000, a scan of the chest cavity of a Thescelosaurus found a four-chambered heart like birds and mammals. Wishful thinking.

Crocodilians and birds have four chambered hearts unlike other reptiles. Rather than trying to figure it out based on dinosaurs themselves, it would be easier to use the modern animals to attempt to figure it out.

Some fossils have been found to sleep like modern birds! As one of my professors stated, “behavior is impossible to fossilize.”

“True birds” first started appearing around the Cretaceous period (~100 million years ago).

While this could be indicative some relationship, personally, I find this to be pretty weak evidence.

Using protein sequencing and molecular comparison of some soft tissue of a T. rex, there is a closer relationship between T. rexes and birds than alligators.

TL;DR – Birds suck.

This is gonna be part one of… I dunno. More.